she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
