So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
