I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
