I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Plan B is the new Plan A
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
