He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
