why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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