I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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