Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
