it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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