maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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