Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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