I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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