It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im holly from the hills drunk
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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