I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
