So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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