i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
