she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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