my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
