As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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