Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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