Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
