Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
