True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
