fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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