Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
