doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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