I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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