dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All the doctor said was why
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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