Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
