Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
