is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
