There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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