Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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