This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
