Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
