Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
