So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
