What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thus making me awesome and them whores
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
