its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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