you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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