what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
