Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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