Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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