Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
