She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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