She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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