I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst