I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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