Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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