In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
