We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Shame - the story of my life.
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