I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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