Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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