Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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