the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
