I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
