Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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