new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
