he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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