john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
