A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
