what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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