one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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