I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
