Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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