The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize