You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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