he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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