He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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