About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize